Saturday, October 12, 2013

Red Bull gives you Wiiings (and Free Stuff!!!)

THE LETTER

$5.00 for less that 19 oz of your beverage? I buy crack for less than that, and let me tell you - that shit gives you wings. Speaking of Wings - you remember that TV show?  That was pretty good, no? I always thought that blonde chick was pretty hot. Helen was it? That's an okay name. Helen. I may name my daughter that. Or at least my cat. Have you seen my cat. He's a beast! Black and sleek and sexy. His pee smells sometimes, though. I feel bad for the Avon lady when she stops by. I think she's too nice to mention it, but I can tell she smells it. That and my shitty-ass farts. But you know what - I don't really care. My flatulence is no longer my problem - it's those behind me.. it's their problem! Fools. But who can blame them? It's like death. You think my dead grandma watches over me? I can't, for the life of me, fathom the logistics of heaven. God can't possibly oversee everyone and their petty prayers for new shoes. I once sold a pair of used shoes on eBay. Got like $9. I could have bought nearly two 19 ouncers for that, but not quite. Do you sell by the sip ever? That might be a good business decision. Put your crappy beverage on tap. God bless. Oh, send me some coupons from Germany. Or is it Austria? Peace,
Francis
XXXX NE XXth Ave.
Fort Lauderdale, FL  XXXXX

THE RESPONSE

Hi Francis,

That was definitely the most entertaining email I've read in a while!  Glad to hear your gassy issue has subsided!

I would send you some coupons if I had them, but Red Bull doesn't do coupons. Why? Well, paper cuts for one. They can be really painful. No, but in all seriousness, retail stores set the price - so if there are deals, they would be at the store directly. 

But here's a little something you might find helpful: if you buy Red Bull by the case, it's cheaper than buying it by the can. You can pick up a case of 24 cans at your local retailer or membership club. 

Oh, and before I forget, there is something I can offer you. If you and your buddies need some wiiings, just hit me back with your full name and addy (not a P.O. box). I'll see if I can put together a little something from us..

Thanks for being such a fan!
XXXXX
Red Bull
Twitter: @RedBull
www.redbullusa.com