Thursday, October 10, 2013

Fulmer Helmets (My first ever corporate letter)

Dear Fulmer Helmets,

I have recently purchased my first motorcycle helmet, which I’m proud to say is a black Fulmer Modus AF-M.  It is a very fine helmet.  It’s ultra comfortable, which was my prime objective in my quest for head safety.  And the Fulmer Modus AF-M helmet is superior in coziness, enabling me to wear it all the time.  Even when I’m sleeping.  You see, my girlfriend goes into spastic, violent behaviors while asleep, oftentimes kicking and punching me in the face, throat, chest and groin.  She, we’ll call her Maria, has recently been diagnosed with the parasomnia entitled Rapid Eye Movement Behavior Disorder (RBD). RBD occurs when Maria acts out dramatic and/or violent dreams during rapid eye movement (REM) stage sleep.  First described in medical literature in 1986, RBD, or sleep terror, can involve yelling, screaming, punching, and kicking in the night.

Needless to say, I am pleased with the cranial protection my Fulmer Modus AF-M helmet has provided under times of duress.  I no longer awake to a series of punishing blows to my eye sockets, rather now I awake to a shrieking cry of agony – on her behalf!  For now she is the one in pain, due to swollen knuckles and split finger joints, because after repeated vicious attacks to the hard, unforgiving plastic of my Fulmer AF-M helmet.  I hope, over time, she will eventually learn to awake before the fifth or sixth jab so that the damage won’t take such severe toll on her delicate fingers.  On the bright side, however, she at least has the presence of mind to remove her rings before falling asleep, therefore avoiding scratches and dents to my Fulmer AF-M helmet surface.

Lastly, does Fulmer Helmets also provide any comfortable groin protection?  As it stands, I sleep with my back to Maria so as to avoid sudden and jarring knees to my scrotum; and as an added measure of security, I shackle her feet together upon hearing the first snore of the eve, signaling the onset of her heavy sleep pattern.  However, it would be nice to spoon again, like we did years ago, before the onset of her RBD.  If groin protection is available, I believe the romance could reign in our bedroom once again!  If a catalog is available, please forward it to the address below.

Sincere and many thanks,

XXXX Magazine St.
New Orleans, LA  70130


Hi Greg,

That is the wildest catalog request I have EVER had!  Your catalog is in the mail today.  You might try the helmet box for your groin protection - or better yet - another Fulmer helmet available in Xtra Small (Just kidding!)

Thanks for the smiles and I wish the best for you and Maria.  Perhaps a good surprise present for her would be a pair of soft boxing gloves to wear to bed (to protect her hands!)

Customer Service Specialist

No comments:

Post a Comment