Sunday, December 1, 2013


Dearest Alpo,
Where can I find monkey food? I've gone to Publix, Wal-Mart, PetSmart, and even a few local SMB pet stores, but to no avail. My monkey be hungry! Surely I can't be the only monkey owner in South Florida?
A search of your website comes up empty, too. He's (she's? - how do I tell?) getting tired of bananners.  It, I'll call it "it"... it has flung yellow monkey poo all over my house. It likes cat food, but then my mountain lion gets mad. Last week I fed it Chinese food, but then the damn Chinaman in my bathroom complains. I haven't tried dog food yet - but only because I can't bring a dog in the house. The monkey always tries to tag it.
If you have no monkey food, might it be possible to send some bird my way - or at the very least, coupons for Alpo so I can afford to feed the children.



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